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We've been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances disappeared then, since they had been only interested in her husband. It shocked her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, probably grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, many of her friends have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us stepped back from work leading to more each other more, but I am finding my role between us feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She's been arranging a vacation abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. I tried to provide advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought validation of her plans. I have come back from four weeks in that place and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, yet this is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution demands strength and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how you are both will alter the interaction between you."

Keep in mind that she also has a point of view, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a story about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out defensively and then think your perspective. If you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you satisfaction that you've been open and direct.